Ahoy, there, written blog!
WOW this feels intensely weird. But I’ve missed it all the same!
I have been struggling with trying to fix a domain name issue for the past YEAR. No word of a lie; I tried desperately to make a written-blog-comeback around this time last year (or a year and a half ago) but to no avail.
So now is the time- I’m back!
You might have been keeping up with me on my YouTube channel. If not, it’s okay. I will forgive you. However I missed writing. I missed the fact that I can always feel completely honest when it’s just me and my laptop and my keyboard. Writing is something I live and breathe and always have. Words are a part of me, an intrinsic part of me and have been since I taught myself to read at the age of two.
Y’know what though, reading back on this blog… I am such a different person now to the one I was even two years ago when I last posted. I have qualified as a Primary School teacher now; I completed my NQT year last year. I have been through two breakups and seen my baby brother marry. I’ve gained a sister (in-law) and a (step) niece. I have started to seek proper help for my anxiety and depression and the myraid of issues contained within my brain, through both talk-therapy and medical intervention. I have grown and I have been hurt, I have lost weight and I have gained some of it back, I have begun to learn to relax and let go and move on from all the rubbish and the pressure I have always forced upon myself for my life to be a certain way.
I return to the blog embarking on a new relationship (it’s funny, that’s not the first time I’ve included that on a blog ‘return’ post) and thinking more positively about my future than I have in a long time. And that’s with everything, not just him (although I have good vibes). I feel positive in my career, in my prospects, in myself.
The great irony is I am writing all of this in the midst of a downward mental health day. Wading through a quagmire of anxiety and self loathing, I can see the light at the other side. The fog is dissipating, somewhat. It doesn’t feel as all consuming as it once would.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just older and wiser and have more grey hairs and more life experience. I don’t know what this space on the internet will be for me any more. Whether it will still be the structured alternative blog it used to be, or whether I will use it to document and vent and write my feelings for the world to see.
Who knows. Maybe the next post I write will be in another two years apologising for my absence. But I hope not.
I’m done apologising.