First things first; I don’t mean literally.

So you might have noticed in my updates post that I recently ran the Cancer Research UK Race for Life 5k. Obviously, as part of preparing for that (and just in an attempt to improve my health and fitness and lose some weight more generally) I’ve taken up running.

This is something I never even dreamed I would do, let alone manage to keep it going for any length of time. Initially, I used a Couch to 5k app on my phone to help increase my fitness and stamina over a period of weeks and as of last weekend I am now able to run for over 3 miles in around 45 minutes.

Theoretically.

However, this weekend I’ve just… not been able to run. I went for my Sunday run yesterday and struggled to reach one mile, let alone three. I ended up walking most of the way back and I wasn’t even out for half an hour. My mum runs with me on Sundays and we’d changed from our usual route in order to avoid a particularly nightmarish long incline right at the start of our normal run, but this one should have been easier. And it wasn’t.

I tried again today. Same issue. I managed to force myself to run for nearly one and a half miles and to go a little bit further but- again- I ended up walking briskly home. And it’s so frustrating.

I was starting to almost enjoy running. Maybe not the actual running itself, but the feeling afterwards is pretty darn good, when you feel all light and bouncy and like you could run and run and run.

I’ve been expecting this sort of mental wall to erect itself at some point but I didn’t expect it would feel like this. I have no idea why it’s happened, and why it’s happened now of all times. I mean… thinking logically, the split with my boyfriend last week is probably still taking it’s mental toll. I’m sitting here and I can feel tears starting to well as I write this. I know it was for the best for both of us but it’s still really hard to deal with- any length of time with someone, for whom you develop real, deep love for will be hard to move on from- and maybe I’m not as ready to bounce back as I thought I was. I just feel drained, in all honesty. We both said some things and it hurts.

Maybe I just need to give myself some space, some self-support and some patience. Just keep tugging on my running shoes and getting out there and running- even if it’s just for one mile- because I know that if I stop, I’ll find it even harder to get going again.

Sorry for the interruption to my regular schedule; this is possibly the first really real lifestyle post I’ve ever made to this blog, and I hope it’s not boring for y’all.